TAO LIN TUMBLR PRESENCE

flying, morbidly obese cat by Tao Lin

vicemag:

Moments after a flawless runway-walk, unveiling Gucci’s new line of hats designed to showcase—rather than accentuate or distract from—one’s face, this “fabulous cat” relaxes beautifully on a Louis Vuitton “Slumber Pet Thermal Cat Mat Cat Bed,” luxuriating in the soothing effects of the medium-large dose of Xanax it ingested about an hour ago with a few sips of Diet Coke from a lime-wedged, pre-chilled, elegant glass usually reserved for vintage wine.

@tao_lin

http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/

Previously – Poké Ball Cat

“OBESE CAT”-DRAWING COMPETITION (2012)

The winning drawing, “A cat so obese it can’t walk anymore so he’s in a wheelchair browsing through the ‘romantic comedies’ section in the DVD department of his local Walmart,” is by Francisco Espinoza! It is above.

Entries that provided links are below; all entries can be viewed here.

Judge’s citation: “There were ~20 entries (via ~95) that I ‘set aside’ to study. I was unable to discern which I liked most or even which 5 or 10 I liked most. There was ~2 minutes to choose. I stopped thinking and discerned a vague attraction in me that, at the moment, seemed focused mostly on Francisco’s entry (I think because it was more colorful and had a different ‘approach,’ in my view, at the moment, when I wasn’t thinking anything, than the other entries. My thoughts about it now are that the cat’s arms seem funny and that the drawing seems ‘fucked up’ overall in a manner that feels satisfying to me.”

Shawn Bianchi, Samuel Leon, Karen Radomski, Helen McClory, Ethan Ashley, Walter Mackey, Frank Hinton, Travis Baugh, Louise Berrebi, Robert Zetzsche, Justin Carter,Margaret Zhang, Francisco Espinoza, Matt Verburg, Kyle Logan, reading jerk666, Eric A,Scott Southard, Taylor Ableman, Luke Richards, Nicholas Burrell, hholden, Robert Challis, Andrew Colville, Jake Johnston, lazzzyandoh, Alex Rogers, Shoga Nego, Dominic Haigh,David Fishkind, Doug fatb, Samantha Beverly, JG V, qq Hart, Emma P., Jennifer Fallingstar,Kayla Ewing, Enrique Gonzalez, ruth e dinkin, Patrick Hinea, Irene Yu, Michael Peter, dylan ewen, Jason Shook, db wang, Royce Wood, Michael Barth, J.D. Ferguson, Ben Brooks,Jordan Eash, Caleb Bouchard, Jamie, Julianne Dowler, Alexandrea Finch, dave shaw, Diane VanderMeulen, Sam Skopp, Paul Rizza, Adam Eirashidi, Johnny Vulpine, Ben Arzate, Lily Dawn, Jennifer Fallingstar, farkus underwood, carolyn kim, Chase Allgood, Dallas Jeffs, LadySkillz, masha and nathen, Annalisa Hall, JG, Stephanie Graegin, Adrian Sanchez, Louise Lao, John Mullen, Jimmy Chen, Leah Garaas, Erik Stinson, Caspar Eric, Keegan Crawford

_______________________________________________________________________________________

To enter email binky.tabby [at] gmail a drawing by you of an “obese cat” (see example above) that is 500px-wide/350px-tall via MSPaint/Photoshop or [photograph of IRL drawing] by 12AM Eastern w/ subject “OBESE CAT.” 

1 entry per person. No entry fee. Ask ?s in this post’s comments section.

Include a link to your entry (post it on your Tumblr or something) in your email and I will link to it in the post announcing the winner at 1AM Eastern. The winning drawing will be posted on this Tumblr. The winning drawing will be chosen based on which entry the judge likes most at the moment of judging.

Prize: 1x Richard Yates, 1x Shoplifting from American Apparel, 1x selected unpublished blog posts…, 1x during my nervous breakdown…, 1x sometimes my heart pushes my ribs, [whatever else will fit in the flat-rate priority envelope]

Judge: Tao Lin

vicemag:

110-pound, body painted, heavily tranquilized cat (eyes superglued open, paws superglued to handle) water skiing to promote a Pokémon brand energy-drink.

@tao_lin

http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/

Previously – Cat-Toad Hybrid 

vicemag:

This simple, direct, colorful, anti-drug ad (featuring what most experts by now have agreed is some kind of “cat-toad hybrid”) was created in 30 or 40 seconds by an unpaid intern for Drug Abuse Reinforcement Education (better known as D.A.R.E.) in 1999, one year after the program was disqualified from receiving federal funding because they “failed to meet federal guidelines that they be both research-based and effective,” according to Wikipedia. The ad was widely appreciated for its minimalism and relatively creative approach; it was disastrous, however, in terms of its actual function. In all but one of the targeted demographics drug use increased drastically—by 36% for pre-K to 2nd grade, 38% for 7th grade to 12th grade, 44% for college students. The only demographic registering a decrease, of an almost negligible 4%, was 3rd grade to 6th grade, perhaps because children of that age group are especially afraid of being shunned or harassed for their appearance.

Previously - Party Cat

@tao_lin

http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/

vicemag:

A cat that woke 4 minutes ago from a nightmare in which he was on extremely large doses of Xanax and Adderall and alcohol at a Christmas party, embarrassing himself in front of his owners and owners’ friends and relatives and all their children by repeatedly rubbing his crotch against people’s heads and faces (by climbing sofas and tables and jumping onto people’s shoulders and clutching their necks and heads or leaping directly toward the heads and faces of small children) while obliviously meowing in an extremely loud, nearly non-stop, frighteningly unseemly manner. His “suspicious” expression and somewhat “stricken” posture (as depicted above) has been sustained without change for almost the entire 4 minutes since waking, during which he has been replaying and studying certain details from his nightmare in an effort (involving decreasing confidence, in part because he has been staring across the room at a Christmas tree that has seemed increasingly dream-like) to confirm, to any believable degree, that it really was a nightmare and not something that happened last night or a few nights ago.

Previously - Gollum’s “Suicide Stash”

@tao_lin

http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/

A cat that works at CatBank, a normal bank except every aspect of it is cat-related.

vicemag:

Close-up of a “serenely passed-out” Kreayshawn (after 2.5 “weed brownies,” 3 beers, 60% of a 40oz, 2.5mg Xanax in a 6-hour period) with her MacBook on her face and a mysterious, vaguely demonic, medium-small cat staring at her from the doorway thinking mostly curiosity-oriented thoughts like “wonder what she’s listening to” and “sweet headphones, wonder where she got them.”

Previously - Psilocybin Nicolas Cage

@tao_lin

heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com

muumuuhouse:

selected unpublished blog posts of a mexican panda express employee is officially published today!

It may be ordered here. Its “book trailer” may be viewed here. Its cover features Luna Miguel.

Media may email muumuuhouse@gmail.com for a review copy.

Selected coverage: Elle, Nylon, Vice, Goodreads, Matador, 3:AM, The Tangential.

penis dictionary (via “How to put your penis inside cat’s pussy?”)

“person holding a cat for ‘no concrete reason’” by Tao Lin (commissioned by a person from Britain, go here for rates)