Gollum staring at his “stash,” which he has built up from nothing by working minimum wage for 18 months at Taco Bell while spending 65% of his income on skin care products that his co-workers and managers have mandated he apply twice daily (Gollum isn’t bitter about this, he actually agrees; as an undocumented immigrant he also has no choice, he knows, but to agree), a few minutes before ingesting all of it in an earnest effort to kill himself. Fortunately (for his co-workers, who depend on him to accomplish 95% of manual labor at Taco Bell) he will panic and call 911 and live, waking in a hospital 3.5 hours later (2.5 hours after his 911 call is posted on Gawker) with $53,208.79 in medical bills.
heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com
Previously – Largest Xanax
![vicemag:
Dumbledore skillfully demonstrating—to no one, alone in his room, suffering from insomnia—the extremely difficult, polycognitive, 2-wand/3-function technique for “small-object levitation” that he developed over 40 years ago and has since honed to virtuosic levels, privately and with immense shame, as the technique’s only known purpose is for [what he’s doing now], which occurs with such consistently surprising frequency that Dumbledore “can’t help but feel amused” whenever it happens again, despite his embarrassment and earnest disapproval of its seemingly unending recurrence (though usually he realizes “it has happened again” only after he’s ingested an amount of pills and is chemically inclined to feel amused about it): levitating pills [toward him], [away from him], [in place] for as long as 50 minutes while struggling in a neurotic and despairing manner to “calculate” the optimal combination of pills he should ingest to guarantee a satisfactory night’s sleep, maintain a relatively low tolerance for at least one class of drug, and appear functional to others the next day—an especially difficult decision tonight because Dumbledore is additionally trying to “factor in” that he keeps feeling like he “has to” pee (has gone to the bathroom six times in the past hour, each time “trickling” zero to five drops into the toilet) and that, in a horribly devastating* error, he ingested one of the three** Adderall that he initially levitated [toward him] thinking they were “orange Valium,” a nonexistent “hybrid pill” that he daydreamed about a few days ago while staring with 80% unfocused eyes at someone’s ear at a Quidditch match.
*Dumbledore has a low Adderall tolerance and likely won’t sleep at all tonight even if he ingests everything currently levitated that isn’t Adderall
**Dumbledore is currently levitating the remaining two Adderall [away from him] with an incredibly applied quality of controlled acceleration (the Adderall will decelerate beautifully, one can tell, as they near the dresser) that is truly virtuosic, having channeled most of his anger/frustration not into “curse words” or “hitting things,” like many of his peers, he feels, but “wand control”—something he learned to do as a small child and has always felt to be the principle factor in his success in life, not “talent” or “chance” or even “hard work”
TAO LIN
http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/
Previously: Extreme close-up of a 30mg Adderall](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnvcdlfhcg1qzikspo1_500.png)
![*CORRECTED VERSION* This is an update of this, made after reading Fat Mike’s Tweet. *CORRECTED VERSION*
Fat Mike clutching a plastic baggie of Hydrocodone while on a medium-large* dose of them (with varying amounts of Ritalin, Valium, Cocaine, Adderall, Demerol, OxyContin, LSD, Klonopin also in his system) at a My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done post-premier get-together staring at [what seems to be ‘nothing’] in extreme concentration as he struggles to discern if it’s appropriate to ask the people here if they want to share his remaining Hydrocodone while also trying to remember why he’s in this house with these people and if it’s possible he has actually “broken into” a stranger’s home or somehow otherwise forced himself onto these people (Chloe Sevigny, Michael Shannon, Willem Dafoe), of whom he only recognizes the villain from Spider-Man, while Werner Herzog, in what has consistently been his favorite part of the standard tour he gives of his house, “riffs on” the painting—sent to him by a fan last year, to Herzog’s delight—on his wall by saying it’s his “prepared submission” to a guest-contributor’s edition of Where’s Waldo that he’s certain he’ll be receiving a call any day now for his contribution toward, at which point he’ll want to be ready, as “one doesn’t get these oppor-opportunities often,” Herzog says, stuttering when he’s momentarily “taken aback” by the presence of the husband from Antichrist, before recovering calmly and without further pause, aware that the stutter has likely been interpreted, naturally, as evidence that there’s an opportunity he missed in the past that strongly affects him today.
*relative to Fat Mike’s past usage](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmfyoufVja1qzo3vco1_500.png)
![vicemag:
Fat Mike clutching a plastic baggie of mushrooms while on a medium-large* dose of them (with varying amounts of Codeine, Ritalin, Valium, Hydrocodone, Cocaine, Heroin, Adderall, Demerol, OxyContin, LSD, Klonopin also in his system) at a My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done post-premier get-together staring at [what seems to be ‘nothing’] in extreme concentration as he struggles to discern if it’s appropriate to ask the people here if they want to share his remaining mushrooms while also trying to remember why he’s in this house with these people and if it’s possible he has actually “broken into” a stranger’s home or somehow otherwise forced himself onto these people (Chloe Sevigny, Michael Shannon, Willem Dafoe), of whom he only recognizes the villain from Spider-Man, while Werner Herzog, in what has consistently been his favorite part of the standard tour he gives of his house, “riffs on” the painting—sent to him by a fan last year, to Herzog’s delight—on his wall by saying it’s his “prepared submission” to a guest-contributor’s edition of Where’s Waldo that he’s certain he’ll be receiving a call any day now for his contribution toward, at which point he’ll want to be ready, as “one doesn’t get these oppor-opportunities often,” Herzog says, stuttering when he’s momentarily “taken aback” by the presence of the husband from Antichrist, before recovering calmly and without further pause, aware that the stutter has likely been interpreted, naturally, as evidence that there’s an opportunity he missed in the past that strongly affects him today.
*relative to Fat Mike’s past usage
Read the rest at Vice Magazine: DRUG-RELATED PHOTOSHOP ART - FAT MIKE IN WERNER HERZOG’S HOUSE - Viceland Today](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmfnyzGile1qzikspo1_500.png)
